Written by Tarnia Riggs
Founder, All Eyes on Me
Handfasting gives a couple’s promises a visible shape. Joined hands are gently wrapped with ribbon or cord, creating a moment to pause, speak your vows and recognise the life you choose to share.
You may include it within a wedding, a commitment ceremony or a renewal of vows. It can carry a spiritual meaning or express values that are personal to you both.
This guide brings back the ribbon ceremony and colour ideas from the original All Eyes on Me website, with refreshed wording for couples planning their celebration today.
The word has a history beyond the ribbon ceremonies familiar today. The Dictionary of the Older Scottish Tongue records “handfasting” as betrothal, with examples dating from the fifteenth century. Those records tell us about promises and contracts; they do not establish one unchanging ceremony used by every community.
In contemporary Pagan practice, handfasting can mark a commitment through joined hands, spoken vows and a cord. Some couples choose a promise for a year and a day, while others intend a lifelong commitment. These are choices within particular practices, rather than a rule all couples must follow.
The symbolism is simple and powerful: two people freely choose to bring their lives together. The cord makes that choice visible. “Tying the knot” is a lovely way to describe the moment, without needing to claim a single historical origin for the phrase.
Begin with a conversation about what you want the ritual to mean. Is it about partnership, family, a shared spiritual path, a fresh chapter or the promises that support your everyday life?
Discuss the wording with your celebrant or ceremony leader. Agree on your names, pronouns and preferred relationship terms, and whether to include a blessing, a reading, music or a quiet moment.
You can use one cord, a braid or several ribbons. If you involve friends or family, explain their role beforehand and ask whether they would enjoy taking part. Children may help with a ribbon if they are comfortable doing so.
Choose a material that feels comfortable against your hands and suits the setting: soft ribbon, fabric strips or a smooth cord. A family textile or a piece of fabric with a personal story can make the keepsake especially meaningful.
Try the wrapping before the day. Leave enough length for your agreed arrangement and make sure both people can comfortably release their hands. The ribbon should rest gently over or around joined hands, with no tight binding.
If joining or wrapping hands is uncomfortable or inaccessible, you can hold the cord together, lay it across your hands or place it around a keepsake instead. The promises give the ritual its meaning.
The following associations are inspired by the colour ideas in my original guide. They are suggestions for personal symbolism. You may choose a colour because of your wedding palette, a memory, your heritage or simply because you love it.
There is no compulsory colour order. Choose the meanings that speak to you both and explain them in your own words.
This illustrative wording is adapted from the original All Eyes on Me guide. Use [Name] for each partner, and change any promise to reflect your relationship. It is personal ceremony wording, rather than a complete legal marriage script.
One ribbon can be laid gently over the couple’s joined hands after each promise. Your ceremony leader can gather the ribbons loosely at the end.
Welcome — ceremony leader
“We have gathered to celebrate [Name] and [Name], and the commitment they freely choose to make. They welcome your love and encouragement as they share their promises today.”
Beginning — ceremony leader
“Do you both wish to make these promises, freely and with love?”
Couple
“Yes, we do.”
A reflection on your joined hands
“These are the hands that will offer comfort in difficult moments and share the happiness of ordinary days. May they help you care for each other, make room for each other’s dreams and build a life with kindness.”
If you would like to include children or other loved ones, add a sentence about the care and belonging you hope to share as a family.
First ribbon: pink — kindness and affection
“Will you look for the good in each other and bring kindness to your daily life?”
Couple: “We will.”
Second ribbon: orange — encouragement and shared responsibility
“Will you offer encouragement, share life’s responsibilities and ask for help when you need it?”
Couple: “We will.”
Third ribbon: purple — hopes and understanding
“Will you make space for each other’s dreams and keep learning about the people you are becoming?”
Couple: “We will.”
Fourth ribbon: red — courage and care
“Will you meet disagreements with respect, taking time to listen and seek a thoughtful way forward?”
Couple: “We will.”
Fifth ribbon: blue — trust and honesty
“Will you speak honestly, honour each other’s boundaries and nurture the trust between you?”
Couple: “We will.”
Sixth ribbon: white — peace and devotion
“Will you keep making room for affection, laughter and peace in the life you share?”
Couple: “We will.”
Ceremony leader
“These ribbons represent the promises you have made. Your commitment lives in the care you offer each other, in your freedom to choose and in the love you continue to share.”
The ribbons can now be loosely gathered or tied in the arrangement you have practised. Release the couple’s hands comfortably, keeping the cord as a reminder of the occasion if they wish.
Closing blessing
“May your home offer comfort, your conversations bring understanding and your days hold moments of joy. May you support each other through change, celebrate each other’s hopes and keep finding ways to show your love.”
Finish with a kiss, embrace or another gesture you both choose. A reading, a song or a commemorative certificate can follow.
Check that your guests can hear the promises and see the ritual. Keep space around the couple and allow guests to sit; a circle can include chairs and clear access paths.
For an outdoor setting, arrange shade, a weather backup and somewhere dry to keep your ribbons. A brief rehearsal helps your ceremony leader and anyone assisting know when to step forward.
Agree in advance when rings, readings and photographs will happen. A handfasting can be a short, meaningful part of your celebration without filling every moment with instructions.
Handfasting alone does not create a legal marriage in Australia. If you want to include it in your legal wedding, work with an authorised marriage celebrant to meet the required notice, consent, wording, witness and paperwork requirements.
The right to marry in Australia is not determined by sex or gender. Your celebrant can help fit your personal ritual around the legal parts of the ceremony. Read the Attorney-General’s Department’s current guidance when planning your wedding.
Originally published on the original All Eyes on Me website. Recreated and refreshed by Tarnia Riggs in October 2026.
View the original Handfasting Ceremony article in the Wayback Machine.
References and further reading
Historical usage is documented by the Scots-language dictionary below. For a contemporary non-religious adaptation, see Humanists UK: handfasting at a humanist wedding. These sources describe different periods and practices; ribbon colours and sample vows in this guide are personal planning ideas, not universal requirements.
Australian Attorney-General’s Department: getting married – current Australian legal requirements.
Historical reference: Dictionaries of the Scots Language — handfasting.
Read our Commitment Ceremony guide or explore more Ceremonial Information guides.